I’d love to say I’m fully cured of my people-pleasing ways, that I’ve evolved into a beacon of boundary-setting and self-care. But if I’m being honest… oops, I did it again. Yes, just when I thought I’d mastered the art of saying “no” without breaking into a cold sweat, there I was—agreeing to something I didn’t actually want to do, all in the name of keeping the peace.
You see, I’m a recovering people-pleaser. There was a time when I could say “yes” faster than I could even process what I was agreeing to. “Need help moving?” Sure! “Want to volunteer for the bake sale, even though you can’t bake?” Absolutely! “Can you take on an extra project at work with a tight deadline?” Of course! And, true to form, I’d then spend the next several days stressed out, exhausted, and secretly cursing my own inability to say no.
What’s worse, after agreeing to these things, I’d be left trying to figure out how to backtrack without looking like a flake. Spoiler alert: once you’ve committed to three hours of baking cookies you know are going to turn out like hockey pucks, there’s no graceful exit. You just have to lean into the chaos, burnt cookies and all.
Even though I’ve worked hard to kick the people-pleasing habit, every once in a while, I slip up. I’ll catch myself nodding along and offering to help with something completely unreasonable. The next thing I know, I’m knee-deep in another commitment I don’t have the time, energy, or desire to fulfill. And what do I tell myself? “It’ll be fine. Just this one time.” Spoiler alert: It’s never just this one time.
The problem with being a people-pleaser is that you’re constantly trying to keep everyone happy. You become the go-to person for everything. Let’s be real—saying no feels a little like giving a kitten a bath, uncomfortable, awkward, and slightly traumatizing (for both parties).
But here’s the thing: as I’ve worked on my recovery from people-pleasing, I’ve learned something really important. It’s OK to say no. Really, it is! The world won’t implode when you do it. In fact, most of the time, people don’t even mind. That whole scenario where they hate you forever? Totally made up in your head. Plus, saying no gets easier with practice. (Not easy, mind you, just easier. There’s a difference.)
So, here’s to all the recovering people-pleasers out there, still stumbling over the word “no” like it’s a foreign language. Here’s to the awkward explanations, the internal pep talks, and the accidental “yeses” that still happen from time to time. We’re not perfect, but we’re learning. The next time you catch yourself about to agree to something you don’t want to do, stop, take a deep breath, and remember: it’s OK to put yourself first.
And hey, if you do mess up again—don’t worry. I’ve been there. Just pour yourself a cup of tea, laugh at your own expense, and remind yourself: Oops, I did it again!l
#PeoplePleaser #ConfessionsOfPeoplePleaser #LearningBoundaries #OopsIDidItAgain #SelfCareJourney #SecondBloom #SettingBoundaries #HumorAndHealing
