For a long time, I didn’t think I would be here, writing this. For a long time, I didn’t know that a life beyond survival was even possible for me. Trauma can have a way of wrapping itself around your life, binding you to the belief that pain is all you’ll ever know. From my earliest memories—through childhood, adolescence, and beyond—abuse in its many forms became the background noise of my existence. It became the filter through which I viewed myself and the world. But I’m here now, sharing my story, because something within me refused to be silenced. I am here, healed, living in my truth as a survivor.
Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) is a heavy burden to carry. It can make you question your worth, your identity, and your place in the world. The scars of abuse—emotional, physical, psychological—run deep. They shape the way you see yourself, the relationships you build, and the way you navigate each day. I spent years believing that I was defined by what had happened to me. I believed I was damaged, broken, and beyond repair. But I was wrong.
Healing is not a straight line; it’s a journey that is often messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal. For me, it meant confronting the truths I had tried so hard to bury. It meant feeling the pain I had spent years avoiding and learning that my feelings were valid, that I deserved to be heard, even if only by myself. It meant unraveling the lies I’d been told—that I was unworthy, that I was meant to suffer, that I didn’t matter—and replacing them with my own truth.
There were many moments when I wanted to give up, some moments when I had to make a conscientious decision to live. The weight of the past felt unbearable at times, and the idea of moving forward seemed impossible. But slowly, with each small step, I began to see that I was more than my trauma. I began to understand that I had power over my own story. I could decide what defined me, and it wasn’t the pain, the abuse, or the CPTSD. It was my resilience. It was my courage to face the darkness, to reach out for help, and to choose healing—even when it seemed impossible.
Today, I am living in my truth. I am not hiding from my story, but I am no longer bound by it. I have learned to forgive myself for the things I had to do to survive, for the ways I coped when there was no other option. I have let go of the shame that was never mine to carry. I am learning, every day, to embrace who I am—a person who is worthy of love, of joy, of peace. A person who has faced the depths of pain and still found light on the other side.
Living in my truth means honoring my journey, the struggles and the triumphs. It means allowing myself to be vulnerable, to be seen, and to share my story—not because I need validation, but because I know that there are others out there who need to hear it. To anyone reading this who feels trapped in their pain, who feels like they’ll never be anything more than their trauma: you are more. You are so much more. Healing is possible. Life beyond survival is possible. And you deserve every bit of the love, peace, and joy that waits for you.
I am not “healed” in the sense that my past has disappeared. There are still scars, and there are still days when the weight of it all feels heavy. But I am no longer defined by the pain. I am a survivor. I am living in my truth and that truth is that I am enough—just as I am, with all my complexities, all my history, and all my hope for the future.