Forgiveness is one of those things that’s often talked about, but it’s not truly understood until you have to face it head-on. For most of my life, I carried the weight of anger, hurt, and resentment toward those who had abused me, wronged me, and caused me pain. I thought holding onto that anger was a way of protecting myself—a shield against being hurt again. What I didn’t realize was that by holding onto that anger, I was allowing them to continue hurting me, long after the wrong had ended. It took me years to understand that forgiveness wasn’t for them—it was for me.
For a long time, I resisted the idea of forgiveness. It felt like an impossible ask. How could I forgive people who had taken so much from me? Who had stripped away my sense of safety, trust, and self-worth? I wasn’t ready to let go of the anger because, in my mind, letting go felt like saying that what they did was okay. But forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning their actions, and it doesn’t mean allowing those people back into my life. Forgiveness means releasing the hold that their actions have over me. It means saying, “I will no longer let this define me or my happiness.”
It wasn’t easy. I had to dig deep, into the darkest corners of my heart, to find the strength to forgive. And I realized that forgiveness was necessary—not for their sake, but for my soul’s growth. I couldn’t move forward in my healing until I let go of the anger that had been poisoning my peace for so long. The longer I held onto it, the longer I kept myself trapped in the past. I was giving them power they no longer deserved, and I was the one suffering for it. Forgiveness was my way of taking that power back.
But here’s the important part: forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to let them back into your life. Forgiveness is about setting yourself free, not about giving them permission to return and cause more harm. In fact, one of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that some people don’t deserve a place in your life, even after you’ve forgiven them. Forgiveness allows you to release the bitterness, but boundaries allow you to protect your peace.
I also had to take a hard look at my own responsibility in all of this. Not for what they did—none of that was my fault—but for how long I held onto the anger, and for allowing some people to continue hurting me far longer than they should have. I ignored red flags, I made excuses, and I clung to the hope that things would change. That maybe they would change. However part of my healing has been accepting that I allowed myself to stay in toxic situations, not because I deserved it, but because I didn’t yet know how to let go.
It’s a tough pill to swallow—to admit that I played a role in my own suffering by holding onto the pain for so long. But that realization has been a turning point in my healing. It’s allowed me to stop blaming others for my continued unhappiness and to take responsibility for my own peace. I now understand that I am in control of who I allow into my life and how much space I give to anger, hurt, and resentment. Forgiving others and setting boundaries for myself has given me the freedom to truly live.
Forgiveness is a choice—a difficult, complicated, and deeply personal choice, but for me, it was essential. It was the only way to free myself from the weight of the past and step fully into my future. I am learning, day by day, that forgiveness is an act of self-love. It’s not about them—it’s about me, and it’s the best gift I’ve ever given myself.
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